Why me??

A few weeks ago we observed the Lord's Supper at church. This is such a special time for any believer and for the church. It does bother me that sometimes its just treated as just another tradition. It is sooooooo much more than that. It is a time of reflection and asking God to reveal any sin, a time of repentance, a time of thankfulness, a time of remembering just how much it cost Jesus so I could belong. This particular Lord's Supper was radical for me. I have known for a long time the ministry that God has called me to. That day, though, I spoke it out loud.........and the enemey heard!! It wasn't long until he had thrown one of many arrows for the day at me. It was awful.....I was angry, hurt, frustrated, just all around a mess. When it came time to participate in the Lord's Supper, I felt very unworthy to do so. How could I do that with the terrible thoughts going through my mind and the feelings in my heart! I have learned through lots and lots of teaching from God and from one of the sweetest women I have ever known (also the most wonderful mentor) that when all this ugliness rears its head, just talk to God. Tell Him your heart, ask for His help, praise Him for listening and just being Him!

When I began talking to Him there were a few things He showed me:
1. One thing I was angry about was actually an answer to a prayer I had prayed for one of my children. I just didnt like the way God answered. This led to prayer to help me accept that it will be His way and His time.
2. Spiritual warfare is real. Not only did the enemy sting me, knowing that I'm stepping into womens ministry, he stung me with a woman. This led to prayer for protection; for the church, the people, me, the women I want to serve.

The most powerful lesson followed.................
All I have to give Him is a bunch of junk. I sit here with all my sin and dump it in His lap and thats all I have to give Him...........JUNK! Why in the world would He choose me as His daughter? Why would He want to talk to me or hear from me? Why would He allow me to teach about Him? Why would He want to use me to do anything for Him?
He is so good and sweet to me and all I have for Him is junk. This humbles me beyond words. There arent enough words to say thank you for all He has done, for the mercy, the grace, the forgiveness.

That day, the Lord's Supper was very sweet.
His body......for me.
His blood......for me.
Why? So I could dump all my junk and remember that because of Him I can!


He was wounded for my transgressions
Bruised for my iniquities.
Surely He bore my sorrows
And by His stripes I am healed.