Why me??

A few weeks ago we observed the Lord's Supper at church. This is such a special time for any believer and for the church. It does bother me that sometimes its just treated as just another tradition. It is sooooooo much more than that. It is a time of reflection and asking God to reveal any sin, a time of repentance, a time of thankfulness, a time of remembering just how much it cost Jesus so I could belong. This particular Lord's Supper was radical for me. I have known for a long time the ministry that God has called me to. That day, though, I spoke it out loud.........and the enemey heard!! It wasn't long until he had thrown one of many arrows for the day at me. It was awful.....I was angry, hurt, frustrated, just all around a mess. When it came time to participate in the Lord's Supper, I felt very unworthy to do so. How could I do that with the terrible thoughts going through my mind and the feelings in my heart! I have learned through lots and lots of teaching from God and from one of the sweetest women I have ever known (also the most wonderful mentor) that when all this ugliness rears its head, just talk to God. Tell Him your heart, ask for His help, praise Him for listening and just being Him!

When I began talking to Him there were a few things He showed me:
1. One thing I was angry about was actually an answer to a prayer I had prayed for one of my children. I just didnt like the way God answered. This led to prayer to help me accept that it will be His way and His time.
2. Spiritual warfare is real. Not only did the enemy sting me, knowing that I'm stepping into womens ministry, he stung me with a woman. This led to prayer for protection; for the church, the people, me, the women I want to serve.

The most powerful lesson followed.................
All I have to give Him is a bunch of junk. I sit here with all my sin and dump it in His lap and thats all I have to give Him...........JUNK! Why in the world would He choose me as His daughter? Why would He want to talk to me or hear from me? Why would He allow me to teach about Him? Why would He want to use me to do anything for Him?
He is so good and sweet to me and all I have for Him is junk. This humbles me beyond words. There arent enough words to say thank you for all He has done, for the mercy, the grace, the forgiveness.

That day, the Lord's Supper was very sweet.
His body......for me.
His blood......for me.
Why? So I could dump all my junk and remember that because of Him I can!


He was wounded for my transgressions
Bruised for my iniquities.
Surely He bore my sorrows
And by His stripes I am healed.

Why work?

As I sit here and type this blog, I am thinking about some people that I work with. I get incredibly frustrated with the complaining about working, gossip about each other, not taking responsibility for actions, not respecting those in authority over you.......this list could be endless!! I think the problem that amazes me the most, is doing something only for the praise of man! They are professing believers in Jesus (with the exception of 1), and this is really disturbing! Dont get me wrong I have my moments of incredible frustration........my hubby could vouch for it, but God's approval of my actions means more to me than any mans. I will follow the instructions and rules handed down by those in authority over me, this is commanded by God, but I will do what is expected of me not to please them, rather to please my Father who has given me everything!! If we obey God's instruction regarding work, then our earthly master and our Heavenly Master are both pleased. God is so cool to have set it up like that!

I have been reflecting on scripture about this. God has shown me my own sin in how I handle the situations.
1. Sometimes, I speak quick and "fly hot"; when I should be slow to speak and remember that I can be angry but do not sin.
2. I should do everything without complaining!
3. I am responsible for my actions and need to take the plank out of my eye before I take a splinter out of my brothers.
Oh, how wretched I am!! Still amazed that God would even want anything to do with me at all!
I am very thankful for His discipline, His teaching, His love, His answers, His speaking......He is so very good to me!!

I have a responsibility as a follower of Christ to obey His commands about work. My authorities also have a responsibility........but I cant make them do what is right. I can however tell them the truth, in love, as commanded by my Father.

Colossians 3:22-24 says
22 Slaves, [6] obey in everything those who are your earthly masters, [7] not by way of eye-service, as people-pleasers, but with sincerity of heart, fearing the Lord. 23 Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward.

God help us all to be the employee You have commanded us to.